Faith from the Edges

Faith and life from the perspective of me.

Archive for the tag “health”

#AdventWord #Renew

Today’s Advent word is renew. I have sat with this almost the whole day. The pictures above tell a story – the first is me barely 4 weeks after my last chemo session for ovarian cancer, the second is me now feeling grateful, mostly healthy, and so glad to be alive. Here is my prayer for today:

I am sick Lord, so sick

Renew my health O God

I am tired Lord, so tired

Renew my energy O God

I am scared Lord, so scared

Renew my heart O God

I am in pain Lord, so much pain

Renew my cells O God

I am improving Lord, slowly improving

Thank you God for renewal of health

I wake up ready for the day Lord

Thank you God for renewal of energy

I am smiling Lord, so many smiles

Thank you God for renewal of heart

I have learned to live with the pain I have Lord

Thank you God for renewal of perspective

 

Renewal has happened and is happening in my life. I am grateful. That is all, grateful.

 

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Well this has been an interesting week…..

I came into the hospital on Tuesday fully expecting to be home that night after day surgery. Woke up in recovery & they started to tell me that I was being admitted. My first thought was does the dear one know? Yep I am that person. 

My next thought was why! Turns out that when my amazing doctor got in with the scopes that the mass was larger than was expected from the scans. I have since learned this is not unusual. She had a phone conversation with the dear one who gave permission for a complete hysterectomy – bye, bye uterus, Fallopian tubes , and ovaries. 

It turns out I have Stage 2 ovarian cancer. Yep the big C. I have now joined the thousands of Canadian women who get that piece of news every year. 

Today I go home with a series of staples down the middle of my belly and an awesome faith community praying for me & supporting the dear one and I.  

So what are the next steps?  In a week they take the staples & sutures out. Then I recover for the full 6 weeks post operation, which means the dear one gets to do all the heavy lifting. There will be an appointment with my specialist as we explore the next steps with her. This probably means chemo later in the summer. 

In the meantime I will be on medical leave from work and will have to rely on others to get things done in my absence. Not easy for someone of my tempermant but I have promised my family, my bishop, and my friends to do just that. 

Thank you dear readers for your ongoing support and prayers. 

#Become #AdventWord

Yesterday was a tough day. My RA was flaring and I didn’t get anything done. In fact I called in sick as the pain meant that I couldn’t even think straight. Funny thing to call in sick when you work from home, but needed to be done to maintain relationships with my colleagues. It means that I am now a day behind on these posts – so you are likely to get two in one day today.

This picture is from a few months ago, but it typifies how I was doing yesterday. Curled up under a blanket, a cat on my lap, watching mindless TV and napping just to get through the day.

#Become #AdventWord

I really want to become healthy, I really want pain to become part of my past and not my future. This continues to be my daily prayer. I am doing the best I can to make that happen and I am waiting to see a new rheumatologist in the new year.

We all want to become better. Better people, better at our relationships with each other, better people of faith. We are all looking for ways to make that happen. What I realized yesterday is that this is not a short process. That it takes time and hard work and darn it all, patience. I will continue to pray to God to become healthier and for the pain to diminish. I need that and I think God wants that as well.

What do you want to become? What do you think God is calling you to do better?

My little, not so secret, secret

I worry, I worry a lot. I worry that we won’t get the house we want. I worry that we will be able to pay all of our bills. I worry that I won’t find another job that will let my creativity shine. I worry and I worry a lot. The dear one knows this, my children know this and many of my friends know this and now all of you know this. I worry.

It is not my best characteristic at all. I am not proud of how much worrying I do. This Lent I am trying to face this worry in the face and give it over to God. I need to find a way to decrease the anxiety that permeates much of my life.

When the anxiety and worry take over my life I begin to get all carpy with the dear one, I forget things I said I would do, and I sleep terribly. Yep worry sucks big time!

I am working on letting the worry go and having faith that it will all work out the way that it is supposed to do and that we will not be abandoned by God.  I am trying to remember to breathe before I blurt out my worry. I am trying to make space for healthy, positive thoughts and not let the negative, anxious thoughts take over. I am trying to give up worry for Lent as I know that it sucks away my spiritual health.

There you know my little, not so secret, secret. I am a worrier who needs to remember what her best friend told the dear one I should do years ago – Lighten Up!

What do you need to give up to make space for improved spiritual health?

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