Faith from the Edges

Faith and life from the perspective of me.

Archive for the month “March, 2017”

New Normal


This is me this afternoon after having had a crazy busy last few days. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the busyness but for some reason my body just doesn’t. Over the last few months I’ve realised that I am settling into a ‘new normal’. This is my new normal after cancer.

When I was in cancer treatment & after I saw a therapist regularly. I highly recommend that if you are going through treatment that you find someone professional to talk to. My therapist told me that I would know when I was moving into my new normal. By that she meant I would be through the processing of all that had happened to me. Not surprisingly she was right. I’m not angry anymore or in the immediate grief or surprised. I’m okay with what happened. I’m grateful it got caught so quickly. I am learning to live with the after effects.

My new normal looks like this: my energy levels are lower, my feet will always be effected by peripheral neuropathy, I will have to take more medications to deal with that, I will be considered a cancer patient for another 4 years, and I can never walk barefoot again. So my new normal.

It isn’t what I had hoped but it is what I have. Here’s the good news, I’m alive! I have family & friends who are always there for me. My new normal isn’t what I had before diagnosis but it is still a gift. It is a gift to be alive & to continue with the work I have been called by the church to do.

Here’s what I know. I have to take rest days. I can’t function without them. I have to not beat myself up about not getting done everything that I used to get done. I’m still loved, I still do much of what I love, I am on the way to being healthy. The new normal isn’t that bad.

I’m sure this isn’t the last transition I will ever have to go through. I, also, haven’t done this alone for which I’m most grateful. For now I will live with my new normal and look forward to the time when it is just my normal. By then I won’t even remember that it wasn’t my normal at all.

Anyone else got a new normal?

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A River of Women

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River of Women

River of Women

I stand still and watch the colours wave around me

I remember my mother and my grandmothers

I think about my daughters and my nieces

I hold hands with my sister and sisters of my heart

I am in the river of women

This river which holds our blood, our tears

This river of our hopes, our dreams

I move with the colours that swirl around me

I look back and give thanks to the women who walked before me

I am in the river of women

I am surrounded by the colours of grief, the colours of love

I am filled with the songs of women and the cries of women

I am in  a river of persistence and resistance

This river flows over me, around me, beneath me and through me

I am in the river of women

I hear the voices of all the different women who I have crossed paths with

I hear the women who have been abused, catcalled, murdered just because they are women

I drop to my knees on Mother Earth and let my tears fall

My tears join others in the river of women

I am in the river of women

I am lifted up by the river of women

I remember that being a woman is to be strong, to carry pain, to give birth to new things

I look to the future and see women from there beckoning to me

I see the strong women, the Indigenous women, the women of colour hold me up

I am in the river of women

I hear the prayers of women that feed the river

I am upheld by those prayers of hope, love, persistence and resistance

I add my prayer for justice to feed the river of women

I let the river flow through me and set me on my path

I am the river of women

P.S. These are my reflections for this International Women’s Day and some art work I did while reflecting. Grateful for this day that allowed those creative parts of me to merge.

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