Faith from the Edges

Faith and life from the perspective of me.

Archive for the month “May, 2013”

Time for the Greening of my Soul

I think I can finally say that the grief is over, done, kaput, gone. I will always have a sad place in my heart about what happened to the dear one and I in our last couple of years of Kenora, but I am done with grieving about it. It is over and finished. We have moved on both literally and figuratively.

It is now time for the greening, the growing, the nurturing of my soul. Isn’t it great that this happened just as the Pentecost season, the green season of the church, has started?

damsel-fly

During this greening time I am promising myself the following:

  • To listen more to the Spirit
  • To engage in theological discussions with the dear one
  • To read, read and read – Scripture, other blogs about faith, theological books, fiction of all kinds – almost anything I can get my hand or eyes on
  • To spend as much time as I can outside this summer
  • To garden, preserve food for the winter, to cook good meals to share with the dear one and with friends new and old
  • To sing as much as I can
  • To go to yoga regularly, stretch, walk, move as much as I am able
  • To let gratitude for everything seep into my soul

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.

Meister Eckhart

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Healing Time

I have realized that the last couple of months, after moving into our new home, have been a healing time for me and for the dear one. We are making this place our home. We are painting and putting up our art. We are planning our new garden. We are exercising more. We are healing. We are not there yet but we are healing.

How do I know this? We aren’t arguing as often. We are able to step back and breathe. We are both praying more regularly. We have spaces in our new home that are just mine and just his. We are developing better patterns of living together in this new place. It is slow but I can feel the healing seeping into our bones. We are learning to trust again. Trust God, trust others and trust ourselves.

I spoke recently with a friend and she told me that it is necessary for me to take this time. That healing doesn’t happen over night and that with everything the dear one and I have been through in the previous 2 years to arriving here has to have time to get into the past. She told me that is a necessary thing for me to have this time to slow down, heal and remember that I still have something to contribute to the church and to my community. That taking the time to figure that out is a good thing. To think of this healing time as a gift from God and it is.

For now I am going to bake, putter in my new garden, cook good meals for the dear one and I, find out more about the diocese that we are now a part of, dip my toes into commitments, let other people see me for who I am, sing when I can, read lots of good books, go to yoga class – in other words I am going to heal and so is the dear one. He will do this in his way and we will be there for each other and heal as a couple.

A new orchid - a healing gift in our new home.

A new orchid – a healing gift in our new home.

I am thankful to God for this healing time. For this time to remember the love that has been given to me and continues to be given to me. For the developing new relationships that are filled with grace and love and are allowing me to learn how to trust again. I am thankful that I hung onto my faith through the dark time, when it was hard, and that I  have  found a new place for it to grow and hopefully flourish. I am thankful for this healing time.

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