I have given myself a time out today. I was really, really grumpy with the dear one this morning and I told him take the van and he said what about church and I said I am not coming. I got my buttons pushed this morning and I got angry, really angry. So yep, I am on a time out. I needed to be by myself and calm down. Ever been there?
It isn’t that important as to what pushed my buttons this morning what is important is that I let them get pushed and then I pushed them so more. I forgot to take a step back and breathe, so that I could remember that the dear one loves me and that I love him. I am immensely grateful for that love but you wouldn’t have known it by how grumpy I was this morning. I don’t really like myself when I get that angry, I am not a nice person then and I take it out on the people that I love the most. As I used to tell my children when they got like that when they were little it is time out for you – in this case me.
I am going to work on remembering this the next someone or something pushes my buttons, that I need to breathe, walk away and take a time out. That I need to do that before things to get out of control, or as in this case I get out of control. I want to find ways to express my discontent or disagreement without having to yell it at the top of my lungs. I want to be the person that I know I am called to be. I am not going to give up my anger I just don’t want it to control how I behave in the moment that I am angry. To get there I am going to need to give myself more time outs to breathe and remember my better self and how I want to really be in with those I love dearly, especially the dear one.
Living out a life of faith is not easy and learning how to be a better human being is not easy. You would think in my middle years that I would have much of this sorted but I am still working on it. Likely that I will be working on it until I can’t remember that I need to be working on it.
I am going to take a time out when I need it and remember that I am a better human being than my anger makes me. Blessings to you all as work on whatever you need to work on in your life.