Faith from the Edges

Faith and life from the perspective of me.

There I go again…

There I go again, weeping, feeling sad, having tears run down my face. This time it was triggered by going to church with the dear one and daughter while recently in Thunder Bay. I thought I would be able to get through it all but by the end of the sermon I was weeping, just weeping. I had to leave. I just couldn’t sit there. I am so full of grief and anger about how the church has abandoned the dear one and me.

I am wondering if I will ever be able to make it through a worship service without weeping. Will the grief ever just go away?

I remember weeping like that in church in the fall after my mother died. That was an experience of healing. I had a community around me who cared about me (many of them are still friends) and how I was dealing with that grief. I remember feeling God’s loving presence in the midst of that time. I am not a stranger to grief and how it works. What I am a stranger to is not having a faith community to find support in while going through the grief.

I need someone to listen and not give me platitudes in response. I need the church to hear my story and not give me platitudes in response. I need a sense of hope and possibility. I need to feel God’s presence in the midst of all this crap. I need a day where I don’t feel sad and angry.

I want to be able to  say there I go again….and be smiling.

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