On February 26 of this year, I wrote my first blog post for my newly named site of Faith from the Edges. I am using ‘Faith from the Edges’ as that is often where I feel I live out my faith. Being a clergy spouse means that I am neither fish nor fowl – not considered a ‘real’ layperson by most in the pews and definitely not a clergy person. So someone who lives at the edges of church life.
It has been an interesting 6 months to say the least. I have been reflecting for the last couple of days about the posts that I am thankful that I wrote and for the responses that I have received to them.
I began this blog as a way for me to deal with what has been thrown at the dear one and I over the last 3 years. As a way to deal with the isolation from church community. I also began it because I am a writer and I needed a way to express myself.
Here I am 6 months later and still writing, still finding things I need to share with others, looking forward to what the next 6 months of posting will bring.
Some reflections on what I have done so far:
Early on I wrote this post about why I was struggling with Sundays. I have to admit I was scared when I posted it. I was worried that people wouldn’t understand. What I received was some of the best pastoral care I have been given during this whole awful time. I am still amazed by the outpouring of love and generosity that was shown to me during this time. My grateful thanks to those who have held me/us up in prayer and continue to do so.
This post about depression and stigma is the one that is still rattling out there in cyberland. It has been the one that has received the most feedback. It was the next to hardest one that I have written so far. I even went so far to give a warning at the top of the post so that those who didn’t want should just give it a skip. You didn’t, you read, you responded, you told me that the dear one and I are not alone. I am still pondering what if anything I can do about the way church deals with clergy with mental health issues and their families. I do know that I will be an advocate for others when this happens to them.
A post that surprised me in the way that it came out was this lament. I can only say that it was Spirit led. It came from a deep place that I hope I will be able to tap again when I need to. I am awed that what I had thought was going to be a simple post turned into a prayer of lament.
I recently wrote this and when I was done I told the dear one I have written a statement of faith. The writing of it articulated my stance in the world in a way I hadn’t imagined it would. I am grateful for that.
I am grateful for the ability to write and to write decently. I am grateful that you the reader are taking the time to read this. I am grateful that I have access to the internet so that I can share my thoughts, feelings, reflections with others.
I am most grateful that I listened to my inner voice and took the courage to begin this process. I will continue to share what it is like to live with my faith at the edges.