Reflection on an Ending
I am struggling to find words for the emotions that are going through me this week. I am in the last days of a position that I have held for a long time. This work is not ending by my choice. It is not ending because I haven’t done good work. It is ending because of church politics and I have got caught in the midst of them.
I am sad, angry, lost and weeping. I am once again full of grief. I have been crying on and off for the last two days. I told the dear one that I thought I wouldn’t have anymore tears to cry and I do. I have done good work and it is all ending. All ended with two boxes of files and display materials being dropped off. I am sad.
I had hoped that by this point that I would be able to accept what is happening and just move on, but I can’t.
I feel abandoned by the church (the institution not the people) that I have put so much of my creative energy and effort into. So the question arises how do I move forward? How do I take the good that I have done and remember it and let it be.
I want to be done with the grief. I want to be able to enjoy things. I want to dream of new possibilities. I want to find God in the people I meet and live with. Just can’t at the moment.
I ‘ll continue to walk in the desert dragging my faith behind me as I go.