Faith from the Edges

Faith and life from the perspective of me.

Reflection on an Ending

I am struggling to find words for the emotions that are going through me this week. I am in the last days of a position that I have held for a long time. This work is not ending by my choice. It is not ending because I haven’t done good work. It is ending because of church politics and I have got caught in the midst of them.

I am sad, angry, lost and weeping. I am once again full of grief. I have been crying on and off for the last two days. I told the dear one that I thought I wouldn’t have anymore tears to cry and I do. I have done good work and it is all ending. All ended with two boxes of files and display materials being dropped off. I am sad.

I had hoped that by this point that I would be able to accept what is happening and just move on, but I can’t.

I feel abandoned by the church (the institution not the people) that I have put so much of my creative energy and effort into.  So the question arises how do I move forward? How do I take the good that I have done and remember it and let it be.

I want to be done with the grief. I want to be able to enjoy things. I want to dream of new possibilities. I want to find God in the people I meet and live with. Just can’t at the moment.

I ‘ll continue to walk in the desert dragging my faith behind me as I go.

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One thought on “Reflection on an Ending

  1. Norris Nordin, Pastor on said:

    I too faced a long and saddening struggle with the institutional church. I must admit I had lost faith in it. All too often the institution is callous and incompetent. Most days I still feel that way about the institution, but in time I realized that my Lord Jesus was still beside me, and with the confidence that came with that conviction I decided to side-step the politics and engage in ministry despite the ineptitude of the institutional church. I have no regrets, and have experienced a rewarding ministry. And yes, I have become somewhat of a cynic, and I no longer suffer the fools I continue to encounter among the clergy. It is the people in the pews that responded to my ministry, and I am so thankful for them. Please hang in there. Our Lord will lead you to a new place where your heart will grow strong again.

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