Faith from the Edges

Faith and life from the perspective of me.

Being faithful when it is hard

As I have said in earlier post I miss church. I miss the community. I miss having communion regularly. I miss singing, learning and sharing my faith with others. Given my circumstances I just can’t go there at the moment. This has really been a test of my faith. Why am I still a Christian when the church as an institution has just been so not there for the dear one and I during the last few years? That is a question that keeps echoing in my head.

I am a person that needs to pray with others. I don’t do meditation or contemplative prayer well. I need the other bodies of human beings around to reflect with and share with during prayer time. One of the things that has kept me going is saying morning prayer regularly with the dear one. Reading together from scriptures, paying attention to the church year, keeping a list of those who have asked to pray for them, lighting candles.

It is now Holy Week – the final week of Lent, the week that we follow Jesus from Palm Sunday to the cross. It is usually a busy time for our family – more church services than you can count on one hand. There have been times in the past when juggling family and parish responsibilities has nearly driven me crazy. What I wouldn’t give for a little of that crazy right now. Now I know I won’t be going to a Maundy Thursday service, if I do Good Friday it is likely to be at the local United Church, no Easter Vigil and who knows what I will be doing for Easter Sunday. I think this is the hardest part of trying to maintain my faith in the midst of this time in our lives.

So I will continue to say Morning Prayer with the dear one on a regular basis for this has been truly grounding for both of us.  I will continue to look for God in the greening of the world around me. I will continue to find solace in my friends and family. I will eventually have another church home to be a part of regularly. I will keep the faith!

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2 thoughts on “Being faithful when it is hard

  1. Sarah on said:

    I am finding myself full of sorrow for you as I read your blog. I too am a people person and need folks around me while i walk through Holy Week. I was telling friends that Palm Sunday is my favourite Sunday in the Christian year.
    I love the music and the procession and the palms that the children wave with such entheusiam . I love hearing the Gospel read as a play with the congregation yelling out “Crucify Him” . I find my eyes brimming with unshed tears as I join in with the crowd in the betrail . I love the quiet of the Maundy Thursday evening Eucharist and later the stripping of the church as we prepare to leave the building in darkness and go home to await Good Friday.
    I too used to find Holy Week overwhelming with four young kids in a rectory but now in retirement I have the time to soak in the mystery of the Passion.
    May you and your dear one soon find your way back to sharing your time of prayer with others and know the joy of Easter

  2. Oh, my dear. My heart aches and breaks for you this week. Imperfect as it is, I at least have a place to worship this week. I will be thinking of you and sending my prayers your way.

    You said, “Why am I still a Christian when the church as an institution has just been so not there for the dear one and I during the last few years?”

    I think that you, I, and many others are Christians in spite of the institution. It is a moribund institution that is grasping at straws to keep on keeping on. I work for it and I have a love /hate relationship with the church. The question, I think, may be where and how do we find community when the institution fails us and a community with skin not just virtual.

    Prayers coming from here on the spring breezes.

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