Being faithful when it is hard
As I have said in earlier post I miss church. I miss the community. I miss having communion regularly. I miss singing, learning and sharing my faith with others. Given my circumstances I just can’t go there at the moment. This has really been a test of my faith. Why am I still a Christian when the church as an institution has just been so not there for the dear one and I during the last few years? That is a question that keeps echoing in my head.
I am a person that needs to pray with others. I don’t do meditation or contemplative prayer well. I need the other bodies of human beings around to reflect with and share with during prayer time. One of the things that has kept me going is saying morning prayer regularly with the dear one. Reading together from scriptures, paying attention to the church year, keeping a list of those who have asked to pray for them, lighting candles.
It is now Holy Week – the final week of Lent, the week that we follow Jesus from Palm Sunday to the cross. It is usually a busy time for our family – more church services than you can count on one hand. There have been times in the past when juggling family and parish responsibilities has nearly driven me crazy. What I wouldn’t give for a little of that crazy right now. Now I know I won’t be going to a Maundy Thursday service, if I do Good Friday it is likely to be at the local United Church, no Easter Vigil and who knows what I will be doing for Easter Sunday. I think this is the hardest part of trying to maintain my faith in the midst of this time in our lives.
So I will continue to say Morning Prayer with the dear one on a regular basis for this has been truly grounding for both of us. I will continue to look for God in the greening of the world around me. I will continue to find solace in my friends and family. I will eventually have another church home to be a part of regularly. I will keep the faith!