Why Sunday’s are not my friend
What do you do on a Sunday when you don’t have a church community to go to?
That’s the question that has been going through my head as of late. I used to like Sunday’s. The dear one would get up early – he had a service to get ready for and was out the door by 7 am. I would be a bit more relaxed and get myself and whoever was at home ready for the 10 am service. We would be out the door by 9:30 am (yeah, I know early but I was usually on deck for something or the kids were so we needed to be there by then). I would get to spend some time with some great folks, some of whom became great friends. I would be fed spiritually, emotionally, mentally – ready to go for another week.
Now I kind of hate Sunday’s. They are such a reminder of what is not in my life at the moment. I told the dear one the other day that it would be okay if I just didn’t care, if I just didn’t have any desire to be part of a living church community. Then Sunday’s wouldn’t suck! They would just be another day in the weekend that I could fill with all kinds of fun and creative things. But I do care and I do want to be part of a living church community.
This past Sunday is a perfect example. The dear one is attending the only other Anglican church in our community for his reasons. I just can’t – for me it just raises up too much grief and deep emotions. So there I was battling tears and feeling resentful of the dear one and not wanting to feel resentful at the same time. So we end up having a fight about something not related to this and then there are tears. Just so not good and just so not what Sunday’s are supposed to be about.
At the beginning of the dear one’s medical leave it was almost like a holiday – a break, a time of sabbath. It was restful, full of good music, good food. It was a day that I actually looked forward to. Now it has just gone on too long. Every sabbath time needs to come to an end.
I need to find a way to reclaim Sunday’s for me. To make them different from Saturday’s and every other day of the week. I need a way to spend time in worship that is still communal even if it doesn’t feel that way at the time. I need Sunday’s to be holy time again.
Finding my way through the desert and living with my faith on the edges.